Media

Our announcer for the year was Kevin Smith '07

9/17/2005 -- Lafayette

The band did not perform at Lafayette this year, due to certain... misunderstandings with the Lafayette administration.

9/24/2005 -- San Diego

Limping onto the field like a bunch of freshmen girls out of the third floor of Cottage, it's the Princeton University Band!

(Princeton Forward)

The Band would like to welcome the University of San Diego to Princeton after we enjoyed their University so much last year. In fact, we wanted to go back, but the authorities at the University of San Diego informed us that we were no longer welcome. Apparently, they had some "issues" with our behavior. The following were just a few reasons why:

And if there is anything this Band can't do without, it's some lovin'. Forming a heart on the field, the Band plays "Gimme Some Lovin'".

(Band forms a heart and plays Gimme Some Lovin')

We originally wanted to tell you what is bad about New Jersey, since we figured we were running away to San Diego forever. We even had a Jim McGreavey joke, but we thought he'd gotten pounded enough already. But then we thought, "Hey, life's good in Jersey!" So out of spite, we came up with a whole list of why it's sooo sweet to be here instead of in San Diego:

Forming a citizen of San Diego, the band plays... something Latin.

(Band forms a smiley-face and plays Children of Sanchez)

Run away, Band! Be free! Frolic! Frolic in the glory that is the Garden State!

10/1/2005 -- Columbia

Magestically gliding onto the field like an innocent baby seal, it's the Princeton University band!

(Princeton Forward)

As you may have noticed, the Band spent all summer workin' out, and now we're ripped! For those of you who lack the Band's dedication to fitness, we've compiled a list of the hottest new diet trends:

Forming Muppet crumbs, the Band plays "The Muppet Show"

(Muppet Show)

It's tough being really, really, ridiculously good-looking. But it's just not enough to be SUPER BUFF! We here in the Band also have impeccable fashion sense. To help Columbia out, we'd like to present the first episode of Princeton Eye for the Columbia Guy:

Forming a club, the Band plays "Beat It".

(Beat It)

Thanks for tuning in. Join us next week when the Band performs some impromptu dentistry on the Colgate Band.

10/8/2005 -- Colgate

Note: First, it had been raining all day. The field was a mess. And Colgate, being on fall break, didn't bring much of a band, and thus opted not to do a field show. So athletics thought they would fix that, but then apparently forgot. So we now have 12 minutes to do our show. Cool.

But wait.

Athletics comes to us just before halftime to tell us there will be no promotion. The Band has the halftime. All of it. From 20 minutes until 4, the field was ours. Did we just do our show and say the hell with it? OF COURSE NOT. How often do we get opportunities like this? And athletics needed something on the field. Might as well be us.

Fortunately, Sarah '06 PExDM was able to contact Kevin Smith '07. I told him the deal, told him to make up whatever he wanted, so long as we wouldn't catch hell from the university on Tuesday. So he (with the help of a friend who was visiting from grad school) whipped up a little extra show, and the Band had freedom on the field, provided we didn't do anything that would somehow allow athletics to blame the mucked-up field on us. The resulting scrambling/meandering/dancing in the rain may very well have been the best halftime show ever. So without further ado, the halftime show and, as Kevin called it, "The Halftime Show That Never Should Have Been".

Come onto the field, Band! I've got candy!.

(Princeton Forward)

Gather round, friends, and the Princeton University Band shall tell ye a tale of October 8, Canadian Thanksgiving. The year was aboot 1957, and the times were even wilder than in today's Canada. Brother versus brother, Eskimo versus Eskimo, man against sheep -- but I digress. Roving bands of moose, led by the sinister King Borttnigar, oppressed a small but heroic group of Canadians, led by Wayne Gretzky and his loyal freedom fighters, the Edmonton Oilers. The situation was grim. Supply lines were cut off, leaving Gretzky's troops without valuable reserves of putine. Borttnigar practically had victory within his grasp. Gretzky knew that the fate of Canada, and thus the world, lay in his deceptively feminine hands. In a move so clever, no one north of Hollywood could have seen it coming, the Great One challenged Arch Chancellor Borttnigar to a sudden-death shootout. Long story short, Gretzky won and Borttnigar's head exploded in a fiery wreckage. There was much rejoicing, and Gretzky was then free to teach the Canadians how to form an underfunded social-democratic government.

Honoring the true story of Canadian Thanksgiving, the Band plays "O Canada".

(O Canada)

So Colgate is renovating it's library. Now, we know Colgate gets a lot of flak from other Ivy bands, but we here at Princeton also know that a few of you are literate. So we thought we'd give you a hand by recommending a few new volumes:

For the love of God, Johnny, don't put down those crayons!

(Johnny B. Goode)

Run away, Band! Wayne (originally George) has that look in his eye again... (this line was preempted by the fact that we had more to do and was thus never read)

THE HALF-TIME JOKE THAT NEVER SHOULD HAVE BEEN

So we found out literally two minutes ago that they want us to stay on the field for a while longer. No, seriously. I'm not kidding. Apparently there's no promotion or something, so hey, guess who they expect to fill in? Yup, the band. This is the kind of hogwash we in the band put up with all the time.

Think about it:

So you see, it's not just fun and games being in the band. In fact, it's enough to drive someone insane. With that in mind, the band plays "Basketcase".

[Basketcase]

"Run away, band! If you stay out there any longer, they're going to blame YOU for tearing up the field!"

[Band stays on the field, apparently having decided to play another song.]

"Stay on the field, band! Apparently you're playing another song!!!"

[Children of Sanchez]

"Do whatever you want, band! It's clear you don't listen to ME anymore!"

[Band screws around a little bit, then leaves the field. END OF THE SHOW]

10/15/2005 -- Brown

Curses, foiled again! If it weren't for that meddling Princeton University Band!

(Princeton Forward)

Everyone knows Brown leans left, but our recent investigation discovered a sinister plot to convert Brown into a communist stronghold! Here's some proof:

Saluting Brown's commitment to forging a Marxist paradise, the Band forms the Iron Curtain and plays "Free Ride"

(Free Ride)

In an effort to bring fans back, the NHL has introduced some new and exciting rules. We in the band, however, have a few more rules we'd like to see added.

Forming a football, the Band tells the American people, "You can have it any way you want it."

(Any Way You Want It)

I'll get you next time, Band ...Next time!!!

10/22/2005 -- Hahvahd

Coming onto the field like Bill Clinton, it's the Princeton Univesity Band!

(Princeton Forward)

In order to mollify the givernment's deficit problems, many politicians have decided to pitch in and do their part. The Fox Network has agreed to bring on the new talent for a revamped fall lineup, and these are the results:

Forming Strom Thurmond's current residence, the Band plays "Great Balls of Fire".

(Band forms a tombstone, plays "Great Balls of Fire")

Harvard, you and we may have a lot in common, but there's still a lot you need to fix. Now, we know you are still upset about your rejection from Penn, but some of your actions are just inexcusable. First of all, stop going down to Harvard Square and giving money to people -- and then sleeping with them. Second, tweed in moderation. Special note to the swim team: your tweed speedoes, or "tweedoes", are a no-go. Also, try to get your mascot changed. I mean, if it's got to be a color, at least be original, like "The Harvard Chartreuse", or "The Harvard Mango". And stop ordering Boston-cream pie. Just stop lying to yourself. It's painfully obvious to everyone else that you crave fruitcake. Or you could just skip all this, drop out, and form a small software company. Heh, it's worked in the past, right? If you work hard enough, you just might get to go to Princeton for grad school -- or more likely janitorial services. But for now, just Carry On, My Wayward Sons, and we'll show you what you can look forward to at Princeton.

(Band plays "Carry On, My Wayward Son," forms an 'F')

It is now safe to turn off your Princeton University Band.

10/29/2005 -- Cornell

Making sure we get our full six minutes (originally was "watching out for landmines", but we stormed the field while Cornell was still on), it's the Princeton University Band!

(Princeton Forward)

So, we know that you are supposed to be great hotel managers, but on our last visit to the Cornell Inn, we had a few issues. For example:

Forming an empty hotel room, the Band plays "She's Not There"

(She's Not There)

The quagmire in Iraq just couldn't be worse. Fortunately, the Band has a few ideas about how to stabilize the situation.

Forming the new Baghdad Colosseum, the Band plays "Welcome to the Jungle"

(Welcome to the Jungle)

Run away, Band! Those lions sure look hungry!

11/5/2005 -- Penn

Being indicted for obstruction of justice, it's the Princeton University Band!

(Princeton Forward)

With all the crime in the government right now, it seems that many politicians could use some advice on how to survive prison. And if there is anything the Band knows, it's prison. So listen up, Libby! Don't dilly-dally, Delay! Here are a few pointers:

Looks like the only BAR you guys will be passing for a while has a padlock on it. Forming political disarray, the Band plays "Jailhouse Rock".

(Jailhouse Rock)

Recently, the Philadelphia Transit system workers went on strike. The inevitable question is "why?" The unions' decision is based on many factors:

Can't get your normal bus? The cabbies say "Hold on, They're Comin'"

(Hold On, I'm Comin')

Run away, Band! It's NYU security, and they want our conductor!

11/12/2005 -- Yale

CHAOOOOS! It's the Princeton University Band!

(Princeton Forward)

God, Class of Aught, has really been sticking it to Yale. Plagues, violence, and assorted mayhem have decended upon New Haven, marring the Connecticut landscape even more than usual. Here are just a few of the terrors taking place:

As the walls come tumbling down, the Band watches God's wrath and says "I'm a Believer"

("I'm a Believer")

George W Bush has finally finished his senior thesis with the help of several friends, a speak and spell, and an army of furbies. It turns out that his thesis is an analysis of several exit strategies from Iraq. We felt the rest of the world should know the plans, too.

What kind of three-ring circus does Bush think he's running, anyway?!

("Also Sprach Zarathustra")

Flashers: A CLOWN THEORY
Anagrams to: TORCH YALE NOW
Flips to reveal: WE (HEART) PRINCETON

Run away, Band, before Dean Dunne finds out this is a fat girl joke.

THE 2005 SHOW THAT NEVER WAS

(On the advice of our lawyers, this script is not included in this electronic collection, and is only available to PUB members and alumni. If you really want a copy of this script, which was cut in its entirety by our censors, you'll have to retrieve it separately. But we warn you: Be afraid. Be very afraid.)

11/19/2005 -- Dartmouth

No one cares, it's the Princeton University Band!

(Princeton Forward)

Allow us to present to you a show about everyone's favorite Ivy League mascot, entitled: "A Day in the Life of Keggy".

Forming Keggy, the Band plays "The Impression That I Get"

(Tequila) (This was a "surprise" for our conductor. His head almost exploded. It was great.)

Thank you for listening to the Princeton University Band. Side effects may include:

Forming side effects, the Band plays Rock Lobster.

(Rock Lobster)

For President Sarah "Since your name is Eric, I guess we can do that" Unger, Drum Major Charlie "Band makes me Kim Jong-Il" Bergen, Head Manager Mary "I could snap at any moment" Gallery, and Stu "It's like a hook, he pees out his mouth, then he drinks it because he likes the taste" Lange, I'm Kevin "What has freedom ever done for me?" Smith, signing off.